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If God Was a Modern Human Parent (Thankfully, He Is Not.)

10/7/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
God instructs Adam, “Don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you do, you will surely die.”

Adam’s eyes get big and he runs off to tell Eve. “Eve, God says we can’t eat from the tree in the middle of the garden. Don’t even touch it!”

Eve says, “Let’s go look at it!” and runs off. Adam follows behind and excitedly anticipates what fun they will have on this adventure.

God sees the two headed for danger and intercepts them part way. “Hey guys, here’s a neat tree. It’s called a maple. See how its seeds spin?” Adam and Eve stop for a moment and Adam starts to play with the seeds. “Good boy, Adam.” God takes a handful and throws them in the air. “How many seeds do you think you can throw at once?” Adam plays for a minute, but starts to lose interest as Eve starts wandering away. “Look Adam. I wonder how long they can stay in the air. Let’s count.” God yells, “Eve, come back!” Instead, she starts running. God stretches His hand high and releases a seed and speaking rapidly says, “Okay, Adam. Count! One…two… two and a half! Good job, let’s do it again. He releases another one and then turns to chase after Eve. He catches up to her just as she reaches the tree.

“Eve, I’m so glad you’re inquisitive, but let’s find something else to do. This is going to be so much fun. Look, I put a swing in that tree over there.” Eve ignores Him and reaches for a piece of forbidden fruit. As God reaches to grab her, he praises her, “I can tell by your independence that you’re a natural-born leader. But you can’t eat that.” She flashes an evil grin and runs away. He chases her around the tree several times and reasons with her as they both run, “Eve, are you hungry? Do you want some grapes? Bananas? They are much better for you.” Finally He catches up with her and bribes her away by telling her about some strawberries over by the swing. They reach the tree with the swing and God quickly gathers some strawberries. As Eve sits on the swing and starts to eat, God spots Adam closing in on tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 

God runs over to a neighboring tree. “Adam, this is called the tree of life. Wouldn’t you much rather have this fruit?” God takes a bite. “Mmmmmmm. This is so good. You should try this! It is so yummy! Don’t you think this looks like a better piece of fruit?” God sticks some life fruit in Adam’s hand. “You should take a bite. It is so much healthier than that other fruit. Did you know that this tree is so awesome that I’m going to have it in paradise some day?”

God looks back toward the swing and realizes it is empty. He tells Adam to stay put and runs to the swing, calling for Eve. He reaches the swing and realizes she is not there. He looks back and sees Eve standing next to Adam. She has a half-eaten piece of forbidden fruit in her hand and is offering it to Adam.  God runs back, instructing as he goes “No, no! Don’t eat that fruit. I’ve got something for you that is much better. And it is so pretty…” He continues trying to distract them until he gets within reach.

God forcibly takes the forbidden fruit from Eve’s hand and tosses it onto the ground. She starts to whine and fuss.  She runs to the fruit picks it back up. “Eve,” God says, “That is not a healthy choice. You want to eat good food don’t you? Throw the fruit down.” Eve hands the fruit to Adam. God praises her, “Good girl Eve! That was a good choice.” Adam quickly takes a bite. When God reaches for him he runs away in a determined sprint. In hot pursuit God chases him and catches him and finally wrestles the fruit from Adam’s grasp. Tears of rage pour from Adam’s eyes. God commends Adam, “Good boy. You gave me the fruit! Wasn’t that a good choice? Doesn’t that make you happy to make good choices?”

And they live miserably ever after.

1 Comment
http://www.essay-one-time.com/ link
7/30/2018 01:23:53 am

People are curious to something. There could be a thousand of "what ifs" running in our mind and trying to answer it by ourselves. This article, "If God was a modern human" adds a question in our mind that what if God is a modern human parent, would something change? Maybe yes and maybe no, there are questions that don't have a right answer or no one can answer. Let us just leave things that have already happened. Some may have an alternative solution that might be useful and have a happy ending, but there are things that we cannot change.

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    Steve Nelson is a father of 8, pastor, hiker, and music lover.

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