Originally posted September, 2004.
 
1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. NIV
 
During last night’s preseason game between the Denver Broncos and the Arizona Cardinals, Shannon Sharpe was interviewed briefly. Shannon was formerly a tight end for the Broncos and holds many of the records for both the Broncos and the NFL for his position. Shannon said, “I may not have been the best friend, or the best son, or the best father, but I was the best football player.” (That may not be an exact quote, but I think that is pretty close.)
 
I’m sure you have to sacrifice a lot to be the best at football or at any sport. Some people sacrifice to be the best CEO or employee. Some things can be sacrificed: sleep, leisure time, partying, eating whatever we feel like. Being disciplined with our lives is a good thing. However, some things must not be sacrificed like God, marriage, and children.
 
I like Shannon. He’s a great athlete and a lively character. He’s fun to watch on the field, and fun to listen to off of the field. However, sacrificing your children to be the best at football is not something to boast about; it is something to weep over.
 
Shannon Sharpe’s accomplishments will not be remembered or cared about by many in 20 years. In contrast, in twenty years Shannon Sharpe’s children will still care deeply about what kind of father they had. In 100 years, no one will care about his athletic accomplishments. In 100 years, his parenting will have impacted his children’s children through several generations. Shannon has laid his life down for football and sacrificed his children for his own glory.
 
In this morning’s paper there was a story about the standoff in Beslan, Russia. Chechnyan commandos stormed a school there and were holding hundreds of children and adults captive. Twenty-six women and children were released yesterday. One woman was released, but went back in to be with her children who were still captive. Most of the standoff is over now, after ending in a bloody shootout. I don’t know what happened to that mother, but I know she willingly risked her own life for her children. She sacrificed her own life to comfort and protect her children.
 
We also will give our lives to something. Each day our lives are spent and that day is over and gone, never to be spent again. Will we lay our lives down for our God? Our families? Our lost neighbors? For things that are on God’s heart? We can’t do much about the days that are gone, but what will our remaining days be spent on?
 
When it comes to parenting, we love our kids, but we need to see that love will translate into sacrifice, not of them, but for them. We sacrifice for them financially, physically, emotionally, and aromically (think diapers). We sacrifice by choosing not what is best for ourselves, but for them when it comes to careers and pastimes. Anyone who has ever played Candyland as an adult has sacrificed immensely for his child. And sleep? Boy do we sacrifice. This is healthy and normal. It is not painful; it is love.
 
Lay down your life for others, and especially for your own family. That is the kind of love Christ demonstrated to us, and what he calls us to as well.


[Printer-friendly version]

Originally posted August, 2004.

​What do you do if your kids are associating with “bad” kids? I’m not talking about the type that light cats on fire, but just kids that are a little ornery, rambunctious, or are bad influences. Should you separate your children from the children who are negative influences, or should you hope that your own children can positively influence the others?

We’ve been in different small groups at times when the ice breaker was, “Who was the worst influence on you as a kid?” The most common answer has always been ‘neighbors.’ I suppose if we were to think of the worst things we’ve ever done in our lives, most of them were done with someone else—a neighbor or a close friend. Having a friend there gave us a chance to prove how cool we were or to receive approval for our acts of deviousness. In looking back at our own childhoods, we can see that it would be wise to not underestimate the influence of friends.

The Bible says it straight out, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). If your child hangs out too much with bad influences, there is a good chance that he will be influenced for the bad. Your child can be corrupted by friends, just like the metal on your car can be corrupted when exposed to water.

Your child certainly can influence others for the good and should do so as his character is developed. Well-adjusted teens may be able to stand against the crowd, but I wouldn’t expect younger kids to withstand significant amounts of peer pressure, because their character is not well formed. It is still being actively developed. While it’s possible for the good kid to lead the bad kid, what’s possible may not be as important at the moment as taking a look at what is happening. Is your child influencing the bad influence, or is your child being negatively influenced? With some kids our kids will lead out; with others they tend to resort to becoming followers. We tell them, “If you can’t lead, then follow someone who is making good choices.” If our child was being negatively influenced we would:

1) Limit the amount of time he is exposed to the bad influence.
2) Closely monitor the children’s activities and speech when they are together.
3) Withdraw my child from the situation if it became severe enough.

For example, if our child was around a negative influence at a weekly playdate, I might shorten the playdate from three to one-and-a-half hours. I’d also try to supervise the situation more closely. If I still felt that my child was being negatively impacted, I might quit going to the playdate altogether.

​What if the child is not bad, but just ornery or rambunctious? You are the only one who can accurately assess the impact on your child. However, if it gets bad enough that you’re asking the question, my guess is that it is bad enough that you’ll want to do something about it. You obviously don’t want the behavior that you’ve seen imitated by your child. So, in light of that, I’d put some sort of boundaries on the relationship.

That said, I want my kids to be in the world and influencing the world. But I don’t want them in over their heads. They need to be mature enough to handle it.

[Printer-friendly version]