Originally posted January 2005.
Let’s look a little more into the question that we looked at earlier. Why in the world would any parent pour his or her heart, soul, energy, and life into parenting? Of course, the answer (or maybe one answer) is that we can greatly influence them, and that through them we can greatly influence the world. However, the question still remains. Can we be guaranteed of success?
The verse commonly used to encourage parents and to give them hope is the following:
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
This verse quite clearly states that if you set children down a certain course, they will continue down that course. Yet most of us have seen families that appear to be exceptions to this verse, and, as a result, our faith in its reliability can be challenged.
If this verse does not at first seem to ring true to us, what do we do with it?
We can:
1) Redefine it. Maybe we need to redefine some of the terms. Perhaps “He will not turn from it” doesn’t mean that he will follow it, but just that he will not reject it. Or maybe “train” incorporates the idea that they have not just been taught, but have accepted and followed the teaching—in which case following the teaching and being trained go hand-in-hand. I’m sure there are other words or phrases we could redefine as well.
The problem with this approach is that, if you play with the words too much, the verse gets so watered down that it loses its meaning. If there is no real hope offered by the verse, or no instruction, why was it put in the Bible?
2) Restrict it. Perhaps few parents succeed in training a child in the way he should go. Maybe we need to restrict our application of the verse to only applying to the parents who have really excelled with their children. It is possible that what we perceive as successful parenting is not really enough and that the parents who have “failed” never really fulfilled their obligation to train their children properly.
The problem with this approach is that even if we raise the bar on what it means to train a child in the way he should go, it still seems like there are exceptions. If we raise the bar even higher than that, the hope offered in the Bible seems unattainable. It would be like saying, “If you do a perfect job raising your child, and never falter, your child will follow all that you taught him.” Do you see how that waters down the verse, just like redefining all the terms does? If you raise the standard to something that is unattainable, then what hope is there? Why try to meet the standard? And why even put the verse in the Bible?
3) Rethink it. Perhaps it’s not a promise at all, but a principle. Perhaps it’s a guiding truth of life but not an outright guarantee. For example, the verse following Proverbs 22:6 says, “The rich rule over the poor.” It seems that this is a general truth. Not every rich person rules over poor people. Some rich people live as recluses, holed up in their homes, ruling over no one. However, generally speaking, the rich do rule over the poor, and the poor end up serving the rich.
The problem with this approach is that the success rate of parents doesn’t seem to even support the idea of it being a guiding truth. In other words, it not only doesn’t seem like an “absolute promise” but it doesn’t even seem like a truth that generally reflects life well.
So which is it? I think it is number 2 mixed in with a little number 3. I don’t think it is an absolute guarantee that your child will follow you in every single area in which they’ve been taught. That would seem to go against the teaching of free will. However, Proverbs 22:6 was put in the Bible to give you hope—to inspire you to a certain course in your parenting. Even if it is only a guiding principle, then it is one that is worth following. Good parenting produces good results. That should be true in every case, or at least in the vast majority of the cases. That is the spirit of Proverbs 22:6, and if the hope we take from that verse gets any more watered down than that, we should seriously question whether we truly believe God’s Word or not.
I also believe that most parents do not adequately raise their children. Many take a whack at it, but few hit the nail on the head—and if you don’t hit a nail squarely on the head, the nail doesn’t usually fare well, does it? It is not enough to go to church, set a curfew, keep your kids out of R-rated movies, and keep them off drugs. Training a child in the way he should go involves a much deeper level of involvement than most parents pursue, and perhaps for which they are willing to sacrifice.
As parents, we can hold a high level of confidence in the outcome of our kids. Even if we don’t have an absolute 100%-money-back-guarantee, we still have a principle given to us by God for the very purpose of giving us such a hope and expectation. Parent in a way that teaches your kids how to follow God wholeheartedly, and expect that to bear good and lasting fruit in the lives of your kids.
Remember that everything that does not come from faith is sin (Romans 14:23). God wants us to trust Him with this. Too many parents live in fear instead of faith. They fear that God’s Word won’t prove true, or that they will be the exception. Instead, we need to live in faith that if we trust in and follow His Word it will lead us down a good path. Have faith that God’s way will win!
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Let’s look a little more into the question that we looked at earlier. Why in the world would any parent pour his or her heart, soul, energy, and life into parenting? Of course, the answer (or maybe one answer) is that we can greatly influence them, and that through them we can greatly influence the world. However, the question still remains. Can we be guaranteed of success?
The verse commonly used to encourage parents and to give them hope is the following:
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
This verse quite clearly states that if you set children down a certain course, they will continue down that course. Yet most of us have seen families that appear to be exceptions to this verse, and, as a result, our faith in its reliability can be challenged.
If this verse does not at first seem to ring true to us, what do we do with it?
We can:
1) Redefine it. Maybe we need to redefine some of the terms. Perhaps “He will not turn from it” doesn’t mean that he will follow it, but just that he will not reject it. Or maybe “train” incorporates the idea that they have not just been taught, but have accepted and followed the teaching—in which case following the teaching and being trained go hand-in-hand. I’m sure there are other words or phrases we could redefine as well.
The problem with this approach is that, if you play with the words too much, the verse gets so watered down that it loses its meaning. If there is no real hope offered by the verse, or no instruction, why was it put in the Bible?
2) Restrict it. Perhaps few parents succeed in training a child in the way he should go. Maybe we need to restrict our application of the verse to only applying to the parents who have really excelled with their children. It is possible that what we perceive as successful parenting is not really enough and that the parents who have “failed” never really fulfilled their obligation to train their children properly.
The problem with this approach is that even if we raise the bar on what it means to train a child in the way he should go, it still seems like there are exceptions. If we raise the bar even higher than that, the hope offered in the Bible seems unattainable. It would be like saying, “If you do a perfect job raising your child, and never falter, your child will follow all that you taught him.” Do you see how that waters down the verse, just like redefining all the terms does? If you raise the standard to something that is unattainable, then what hope is there? Why try to meet the standard? And why even put the verse in the Bible?
3) Rethink it. Perhaps it’s not a promise at all, but a principle. Perhaps it’s a guiding truth of life but not an outright guarantee. For example, the verse following Proverbs 22:6 says, “The rich rule over the poor.” It seems that this is a general truth. Not every rich person rules over poor people. Some rich people live as recluses, holed up in their homes, ruling over no one. However, generally speaking, the rich do rule over the poor, and the poor end up serving the rich.
The problem with this approach is that the success rate of parents doesn’t seem to even support the idea of it being a guiding truth. In other words, it not only doesn’t seem like an “absolute promise” but it doesn’t even seem like a truth that generally reflects life well.
So which is it? I think it is number 2 mixed in with a little number 3. I don’t think it is an absolute guarantee that your child will follow you in every single area in which they’ve been taught. That would seem to go against the teaching of free will. However, Proverbs 22:6 was put in the Bible to give you hope—to inspire you to a certain course in your parenting. Even if it is only a guiding principle, then it is one that is worth following. Good parenting produces good results. That should be true in every case, or at least in the vast majority of the cases. That is the spirit of Proverbs 22:6, and if the hope we take from that verse gets any more watered down than that, we should seriously question whether we truly believe God’s Word or not.
I also believe that most parents do not adequately raise their children. Many take a whack at it, but few hit the nail on the head—and if you don’t hit a nail squarely on the head, the nail doesn’t usually fare well, does it? It is not enough to go to church, set a curfew, keep your kids out of R-rated movies, and keep them off drugs. Training a child in the way he should go involves a much deeper level of involvement than most parents pursue, and perhaps for which they are willing to sacrifice.
As parents, we can hold a high level of confidence in the outcome of our kids. Even if we don’t have an absolute 100%-money-back-guarantee, we still have a principle given to us by God for the very purpose of giving us such a hope and expectation. Parent in a way that teaches your kids how to follow God wholeheartedly, and expect that to bear good and lasting fruit in the lives of your kids.
Remember that everything that does not come from faith is sin (Romans 14:23). God wants us to trust Him with this. Too many parents live in fear instead of faith. They fear that God’s Word won’t prove true, or that they will be the exception. Instead, we need to live in faith that if we trust in and follow His Word it will lead us down a good path. Have faith that God’s way will win!
[Printer friendly version]
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